Art by Silvia Stecher
“Would you like to go to a doctor who had taken his last medical course in 1948? You have to keep changing and keep learning so that you are constantly challenging yourself, adding a few new songs to your program every chance you get. If you don't, the world will pass you by.” - Harvey MacKay
I’m about to tell you something really strange.
I used to hate spicy food.
But that’s not the strange part.
The strange part is that I have no idea why.
Had I watched too many videos of people torturing themselves by eating chilies? Did I have a spicy-food incident as a child that had traumatised me? Did I have stomach problems that I can’t recall? Had I had spicy food once, and decided I didn’t like it?
Again, I have no idea.
Anytime I was about to make an order at a restaurant, I’d ask the waiter “is this meal spicy?”. If the answer was no, my follow up question would be “not at all?”. If their answer was still no, the meal would feel safe to order.
Anytime someone asked if I’d like some hot sauce, I’d decline.
Anytime I forgot to order my avocado toast without chili flakes, I’d pick every single chili flake off my toast before taking a bite.
This went on for a few years.
Now, fast forward to a couple years ago. (ish)
I was invited over for dinner by some friends of mine. Everything looked and smelled delicious. As I started digging in, I quickly realised that this food was spicier than any food I’d had in years, or perhaps ever (and it wasn’t even that spicy).
You know how when you accidentally burn yourself, and your automatic reaction is to say “ouch!”. Well, my automatic response to the food was “oh no, I don’t like spice”.
My second reaction, however, was “…but this actually tastes really good. I actually like the sting.”
As someone who had been avoiding spicy food for years (again, why?!) I was taken back by what I had just experienced.
Why was I enjoying this thing that I was so sure I didn’t enjoy?
An unexpected friendship was formed between spice and I, and to this day, I always add at least a little bit of it to my cooking. I can’t imagine not doing that. And I base that conclusion on years of cooking experience, not just some randomness that is based on… well, nothing.
This Monday morning, I invite you to ask yourself if you tend to be resistent to change (of any kind, such as changing your mind) and why that might be. I also hope you find the time to reflect on how you may be able to introduce change in your life.
Lana
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"People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them."
- Epictetus
To me, the larger issue here is one of perceptions rather than preferences—because the way we perceive things often precedes the way we prefer things. Spice is a pretty benign example and that makes it a really useful jumping off point. Essentially, in this instance, your perception of spice influenced your preferences for spice. But that happens with all of our attitudes, and some of those attitudes are entirely consequential—they determine who we are. And they concern things that can affect ourselves, other people, and the world we live in.
There’s a Malcolm Gladwell quote I often think about, in which he says, “I feel I change my mind all the time. And I sort of feel that’s your responsibility as a person, as a human being—to constantly be updating your positions on as many things as possible. And if you don’t contradict yourself on a regular basis, then you’re not thinking.” But I like it with a caveat; I don’t think contradiction should be the goal, but “progressive realization” and refinement. And that is, the more we examine our thoughts, our ideas, our attitudes, the more we’re able to tweak and adjust them without causing some sort of sea change in how we view the world or interact with it. Small changes in order to incorporate new information rather than pendulum shifts, where the big parts repeatedly hold up to scrutiny and the little parts are less consequential—they add nuance and meaning. Because if everybody were constantly veering from one extreme to another in matters of consequence, the world would be even more disordered than it is today. I think of it using the ship steering analogy: an experienced sailor is one who makes minor adjustments to drastic changes in his or her environment in order to stay on course, rather than veering wildly from one direction to another and likely capsizing the boat in the process. But that refinement process can happen once you’ve really gotten to and engaged with the root of an idea.
I swear your newsletters come at the perfect time. I broke up with my boyfriend two days ago. That is a huge change that I've noticed some resistance towards over the past couple months while I was deciding and now that it's finally done. The resistance is still there even though I know it's for the best. I can only attribute this to a fear of change especially because this is a big change. It's this aversion to discomfort which on some level you experienced with spicey food. Its a little uncomfortable at first until you face it to see what the outcome will be. Does this make sense?