Art by Pascal Campion
“Nonverbal communication forms a social language that is in many ways richer and more fundamental than our words.” - Leonard Mlodinow
The relationship between my puppy and I is the perfect example of when non-verbal communication speaks louder than words. Nothing says love and affection like the way we look in each others eyes when I scratch his belly and the way he leans his head on my shoulder when he naps.
There’s also something particularly special about communicating with someone who you don’t speak the same language as. I’m sure several of you have had that experience. I’ve had it quite a few times when travelling.
I think back to when I was in Italy a few years ago. I was trying to ask an older local man for the directions to a restaurant. He didn’t speak many words of English, and I speak zero in Italian. (Except “prego”, “grazie”, “scusi”, and “bellissimo”, but that’s about it.)
Most of our communication was through hand gestures, and a lot of laughing. I never ended up finding that restaurant, but it didn’t really matter. I had just had a pleasant interaction with someone that included very few words, but a lot of non-verbal cues that signaled kindness, helpfulness and mutual enjoyment.
There’s a lot of talk about the importance of communication skills, but not so much about the power of non-verbal communication skills:
“Nonverbal communication types include facial expressions, gestures, paralinguistic such as loudness or tone of voice, body language, proxemics or personal space, eye gaze, haptics (touch), appearance, and artefacts.”
Non-verbal communication isn’t just used with with pets or with people we don’t speak the same language as; it’s used with everyone, all the time, and the experience isn’t always as pleasant and romantic as the one I had with the Italian man. In fact, sometimes, it’s the complete opposite.
Years ago, I was briefly getting to know someone while I was abroad. We both spoke English. This person and I had a lot in common, and mutual interest had been verbally expressed.
Yet, I felt like there was something standing in the way of us connecting fully. It took me some time to be able to pinpoint what it was, and then I did: their non-verbal communication was completely off.
These were some of the cues:
They always leaned away from me when talking
There was little to no eye contact (I know this can be due to certain mental disorders—as far as I know, this person did not have that.)
They didn’t feel present and always looked like they were thinking about something else
Their body language was very closed off
The Italian-man-experience taught me that sometimes, you can speak different languages, yet speak the same language.
With the person-I-got-to-know-briefly, I learned that sometimes, you speak the same language, without speaking the same language.
This Monday morning, I invite you to think about the nonverbal ways you express yourself, as well as the experiences you’ve had. Have you ever been turned off by someone’s body language? And on the contrary, have you ever felt drawn in by someone’s body language?
/Lana
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I also find many people who communicate with me. Our languages are same but their ideas the way they treat people their perspective everything is quiet opposite. They don't connect with me at any point.
As yasmin mogahed says
"Some hearts understand each other in silence"
I truly believe this.
Some sufis says our verbal communication doesn't matter much especially when we are praying.
God look for our intentions our actions.
We should purify our hearts.