Photo found via Pinterest
Wait… I just realized something. It makes so much sense to me, and now I can’t unsee it.
When something’s working, like, really working, you don’t think about it. You don’t analyze it. You don’t obsess. You just live.
You turn on the shower. It works.
You put on your trousers. They fit.
You grab an apple. It’s perfectly crisp.
You flick the switch. The lights glow.
You open your laptop. It’s charged and ready.
See, when things are running smoothly, they slip into the background. They support your life without demanding your attention.
But when something isn’t working? That’s when you notice. That’s when it hijacks your thoughts.
A broken shower. A glitchy laptop. A sour apple. A cold, where suddenly you realize how miraculous it is just to breathe through your nose.
I believe this becomes especially prevalent in our relationships, both platonic and romantic.
When someone’s wrong for you, you start to think. A lot. You feel uneasy. You question. You analyze. You consult friends, Reddit threads, TikToks, your Notes app. You spiral. You make pros and cons lists at 2am. You look for signs.
But when it’s right?
You don’t need to check in constantly. You don’t feel drained. You just feel safe. Seen. Still you.
It flows.
The people I’ve been friends with the longest feel just like this.
I don’t know what this is always true; I’m no expert on the topic. But in my experience, anything, and I mean anything, that has lead me to thinking too much, analyzing too much, whether that’s been a home I’ve lived in, a job I’ve had, a person I’ve dated… it’s always come to an end, and I’ve always felt a sense of relief when it does.
It’s like waking up one morning with a clear head and clear sinuses and thinking, Wait. Was I ever sick? You forgot the discomfort because comfort returned.
So if you’re wondering whether something (or someone) is right for you, maybe ask yourself this:
Is it flowing, or is it draining me?
Is this easy, or does it make me doubt?
Is it like breathing, or like holding my breath?
Trust your ease. It’s telling you everything.
Okay, go do something delightful now! I’ll be in your inbox again on Monday.
Some links before I let you go:
My latest podcast episode exclusive on Substack
:)
Huggies
Lana
I've been meditating on this—I mean, *really* meditating on it—and what it means for my life. It’s so hard to distinguish between effort and attachment when you’re emotionally invested in an outcome. But when it seems like something is snakebit from the get-go, it probably means it’s just not meant to happen. The lesson—and it’s such a difficult lesson to learn—seems to be to try softer.
"When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety; if I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me, and without pain. From this I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me. There is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it."
~ Jalal al-Din Rumi
Wow this is so true . When someone or something is right for us we don't even think about it . We just live, love and breath in the moment . We are in the present .
It's whenever someone or something is wrong or not right for us . We start thinking or overthinking or over analysing the stuff, the signs , the behaviours etc .
If the person or someone is truly meant for us we never would even think or second guess anything .
Wow thank youuuu so much for writing this . It kinda really resonated a lot with me.