I've been meditating on this—I mean, *really* meditating on it—and what it means for my life. It’s so hard to distinguish between effort and attachment when you’re emotionally invested in an outcome. But when it seems like something is snakebit from the get-go, it probably means it’s just not meant to happen. The lesson—and it’s such a difficult lesson to learn—seems to be to try softer.
"When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety; if I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me, and without pain. From this I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me. There is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it."
Wow this is so true . When someone or something is right for us we don't even think about it . We just live, love and breath in the moment . We are in the present .
It's whenever someone or something is wrong or not right for us . We start thinking or overthinking or over analysing the stuff, the signs , the behaviours etc .
If the person or someone is truly meant for us we never would even think or second guess anything .
Wow thank youuuu so much for writing this . It kinda really resonated a lot with me.
I listened to your podcast on the way to work today. The way you break things down is like getting a glimpse into my own brain. I’ve been living this dilemma for as long as I can remember, and I, like you, have isolated central themes and concepts, but living it—that I haven’t mastered. I spent the past three+ years of my life trying to move to Sweden. In early 2022, I had just been blindsided by a life-changing medical diagnosis (heart failure), I had just been rejected from seven PhD programs in the States, my father had just died, and I felt like I was totally dead in the water when I should have been making a big jump after finishing grad school. I felt like my life was over before it had even started.
And one night, after some research, I learned that PhD programs in Sweden are considered employment. Pay, benefits, a path to citizenship. And all of a sudden I had the goal I needed. So that became my metaphorical horizon. As a goal-driven person, I need that sense of purpose, where everything coalesces around this one central aim and you have a sense of clarity. So despite my heart failure, I researched programs and professors and career-relevant organizations and reached out to them for help. Despite no real response from anyone, I kept going and applied to PhD programs from Lund to Uppsala, and that took so much effort. But I was still energized by the goal. So when I got my first five rejection letters, I wasn’t deterred. I continued to reach out to everyone I could think of and planned a trip to Stockholm to force the issue. I contacted members of my faith community and professors at the university, and I booked a ticket for a two-week visit to Stockholm. I was determined to knock on some doors and maybe knock a few down. While meetings with professors and professionals either didn’t materialize or could have been an e-mail, the time I spent with the Stockholm Bahá’ís was energizing and I didn’t feel dissuaded. Not entirely at least.
And here’s the thing. I absolutely loved Stockholm and felt a sense of confirmation in my chosen path. It felt like I was on the right track. So when an eccentric pensioner offered me the chance to volunteer on his…summer homestead in Western Sweden and learn to grow mushrooms from mycelium cultures, I jumped at the opportunity and worked hard to square my finances for three (or more) months overseas. I could frame my summer as community development experience and see what I could do with a foot in the door.
Long story short, my community development project was not a community development project and nothing opened up for me. I visited Stockholm for a week prior to my flight home and wandered around for a week like a zombie, kind of watching through a detached lens a dream that was many other people’s reality. And when I arrived back in the States with no prospects and an empty bank account, the reality hit. Hard. Because the hardest thing about tearing off that Band•Aid of a dream is the amount of flesh that goes with it. It leaves a big wound, and without another goal to fill it in with, it leaves you feeling exposed. I never gave up on my dream. My dream gave up on me. When a few more PhD rejection letters arrived (including the last one on my flight home from Malmö in April), I finally got it through my thick skull that it wasn’t going to work.
So now I’m going through the rebuilding phase and wondering what comes next. I don’t want to repeat old mistakes but my larger goals for the future are the same: health, service to humanity, a future family. I just need to find another path to them. So I keep going back to my Rumi quote and praying for the discernment so that when I find what is “looking for me and attracting me” I’ll know it when I see it.
I'm so sorry for everything you had to go through and I truly hope your health is improving and that you're getting the medical care you need. What a journey you've been on! I believe that with this type of persistence you will get far in life. And as tough as those rebuilding phases can be, they're also quite exciting because you don't know what good might be coming your way!
I think we’re alike in that we tend to have a quote for everything. The one below is the one that continually comes to my mind with respect to difficulties. So instead of wondering, “Why is this happening to me?” I can instead ask, “Which virtues do I need to cultivate in order to bear this well?”
“Blessed is that soul who knows that against all appearances, the nature of things works for truth and right forever… The emancipated soul sees with the eyes of perfect faith because it knows what vast provisions are made to enable it to gain the victory over every difficulty and trial. Yet man must ever remember the earth plane is a workshop, not an art gallery for the exhibits of powers. This is not the plane of perfection, but earth is the crucible for refining and moulding character.”
wanted to comment on your latest podcast episode. but we can’t lol. so I will just say it here… the floaty trauma analogy was indeed accurate and soooo true 💜
I started watching your videos because you where pretty but as I continue watching and struggling in life, i shifted more on more in listening and understanding. I guess that's thinking more but it felt a little bit more right.
I've been meditating on this—I mean, *really* meditating on it—and what it means for my life. It’s so hard to distinguish between effort and attachment when you’re emotionally invested in an outcome. But when it seems like something is snakebit from the get-go, it probably means it’s just not meant to happen. The lesson—and it’s such a difficult lesson to learn—seems to be to try softer.
"When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety; if I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me, and without pain. From this I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me. There is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it."
~ Jalal al-Din Rumi
Wow this is so true . When someone or something is right for us we don't even think about it . We just live, love and breath in the moment . We are in the present .
It's whenever someone or something is wrong or not right for us . We start thinking or overthinking or over analysing the stuff, the signs , the behaviours etc .
If the person or someone is truly meant for us we never would even think or second guess anything .
Wow thank youuuu so much for writing this . It kinda really resonated a lot with me.
Right?! It makes so much sense to me :)
I absolutely love this piece. I’ve slowly realized this as I’ve gotten older. You painted color to it! 🤍
It was such a light-bulb moment for me haha! Suddenly, so much in my life made sense. I'm glad it resonated :)
I listened to your podcast on the way to work today. The way you break things down is like getting a glimpse into my own brain. I’ve been living this dilemma for as long as I can remember, and I, like you, have isolated central themes and concepts, but living it—that I haven’t mastered. I spent the past three+ years of my life trying to move to Sweden. In early 2022, I had just been blindsided by a life-changing medical diagnosis (heart failure), I had just been rejected from seven PhD programs in the States, my father had just died, and I felt like I was totally dead in the water when I should have been making a big jump after finishing grad school. I felt like my life was over before it had even started.
And one night, after some research, I learned that PhD programs in Sweden are considered employment. Pay, benefits, a path to citizenship. And all of a sudden I had the goal I needed. So that became my metaphorical horizon. As a goal-driven person, I need that sense of purpose, where everything coalesces around this one central aim and you have a sense of clarity. So despite my heart failure, I researched programs and professors and career-relevant organizations and reached out to them for help. Despite no real response from anyone, I kept going and applied to PhD programs from Lund to Uppsala, and that took so much effort. But I was still energized by the goal. So when I got my first five rejection letters, I wasn’t deterred. I continued to reach out to everyone I could think of and planned a trip to Stockholm to force the issue. I contacted members of my faith community and professors at the university, and I booked a ticket for a two-week visit to Stockholm. I was determined to knock on some doors and maybe knock a few down. While meetings with professors and professionals either didn’t materialize or could have been an e-mail, the time I spent with the Stockholm Bahá’ís was energizing and I didn’t feel dissuaded. Not entirely at least.
And here’s the thing. I absolutely loved Stockholm and felt a sense of confirmation in my chosen path. It felt like I was on the right track. So when an eccentric pensioner offered me the chance to volunteer on his…summer homestead in Western Sweden and learn to grow mushrooms from mycelium cultures, I jumped at the opportunity and worked hard to square my finances for three (or more) months overseas. I could frame my summer as community development experience and see what I could do with a foot in the door.
Long story short, my community development project was not a community development project and nothing opened up for me. I visited Stockholm for a week prior to my flight home and wandered around for a week like a zombie, kind of watching through a detached lens a dream that was many other people’s reality. And when I arrived back in the States with no prospects and an empty bank account, the reality hit. Hard. Because the hardest thing about tearing off that Band•Aid of a dream is the amount of flesh that goes with it. It leaves a big wound, and without another goal to fill it in with, it leaves you feeling exposed. I never gave up on my dream. My dream gave up on me. When a few more PhD rejection letters arrived (including the last one on my flight home from Malmö in April), I finally got it through my thick skull that it wasn’t going to work.
So now I’m going through the rebuilding phase and wondering what comes next. I don’t want to repeat old mistakes but my larger goals for the future are the same: health, service to humanity, a future family. I just need to find another path to them. So I keep going back to my Rumi quote and praying for the discernment so that when I find what is “looking for me and attracting me” I’ll know it when I see it.
I'm so sorry for everything you had to go through and I truly hope your health is improving and that you're getting the medical care you need. What a journey you've been on! I believe that with this type of persistence you will get far in life. And as tough as those rebuilding phases can be, they're also quite exciting because you don't know what good might be coming your way!
Thanks for the lovely reply, Lana.
I think we’re alike in that we tend to have a quote for everything. The one below is the one that continually comes to my mind with respect to difficulties. So instead of wondering, “Why is this happening to me?” I can instead ask, “Which virtues do I need to cultivate in order to bear this well?”
“Blessed is that soul who knows that against all appearances, the nature of things works for truth and right forever… The emancipated soul sees with the eyes of perfect faith because it knows what vast provisions are made to enable it to gain the victory over every difficulty and trial. Yet man must ever remember the earth plane is a workshop, not an art gallery for the exhibits of powers. This is not the plane of perfection, but earth is the crucible for refining and moulding character.”
~ ‘Abdu’l-Bahá
wanted to comment on your latest podcast episode. but we can’t lol. so I will just say it here… the floaty trauma analogy was indeed accurate and soooo true 💜
Ah I need to fix that! I felt so smart when I came up with it hahah so I'm very glad it resonated with you <3
I sent this to my sister. She’s going through a hard breakup and I think she needed this gentle reminder. Thank you Lana ❤️
I hope it can help her even just a tiny bit! <3
That’s actually soo true!!Things that make me drain are never meant to be.only when something is not right we start overthinking.its a sign!
Yeah my mind was kind of blown when I realized this!
I loved the idea of going to do something delightful...<3
I'm glad <3
I started watching your videos because you where pretty but as I continue watching and struggling in life, i shifted more on more in listening and understanding. I guess that's thinking more but it felt a little bit more right.
Thank you Lana, I needed this today.
Thank you for being here :)