Where are you going, and why?
The answer may surprise you
Art by Ramin Nazer
When someone asks you what you want in life, what do you say? Most of us may think of things like a successful career, good health, loving relationships and lots of traveling. Those things are easy to identify, but they don’t really tell us much about what we’re actually after. I’d go as far to say that they’re meaningless, unless we give them some context.
Why it matters to know why you want the things you want
I can think of at least three reasons:
1) To keep us going, even when we don’t feel like it. He who has a why to live can bear almost any how - the famous quote by Nietzsche that went on to inspire a multitude of books, articles and speeches about the importance of having a why for the things we do in life.
2) To evaluate and see if those reasons align with our values. For instance, you may find out that your wants are purely driven by ego, past trauma or some other emotional state which may be unhealthy, and that may not align with who you actually are or want to be.
3) To find ways to incorporate the things we seek in our life today, because life is happening right now.
I did a journaling exercise a while back that was supposed to help you identify your motivations in life. I figured we could do it together.
The exercise started by asking us to identify 3 things we want in life, but for the sake of simplicity, we’ll stick to 1 thing. With each question that follows, the idea is for your answer to get more and more specific.
If you decide to do the exercise, feel free to share your answer in the comments. Remember that exercises like this can take time, and it requires for some brutal honesty, which may not be comfortable sharing in an open space like this, and that is completely understandable.
Let’s start.
1. Identify 1 thing that you want in life. This does not need to be the single most important thing you want.
My answer: Enough money to buy the house of my dreams.
2. …because this thing will bring me:
My answer (I’ll give you the short version, because it was a long one): Space to move around freely. Space for hobbies and projects. Room to cook for many people and host dinners and holidays and have people stay overnight comfortably. Designing and decorating, which is a passion of mine. There’s also the aesthetic aspect of it. I’m sure part of it is driven by ego, too.
3. …which will bring me:
My answer: Comfort. More time with the people I care about. More room to do things I love. More beauty.
4. …which will bring me:
My answer: Lack of stress. Calm.
You can keep going for as long as you’d like. I’d recommend going at least 4-5 steps deep.
This Monday morning, I invite you to ask yourself what you’re chasing in life, and why. And if you decide to do the exercise, how do you feel about your answers? Do you believe they are honest? And most importantly, how can you implement some of the things you land at (such as lack of stress and calm as in my case) right now?
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I wasn’t surprised by my answers but it still got me motivated to try and live a more (mentally) healthy life:
Identify one thing you want in life: Living without the fear of fear (anxiety)
Because this thing will bring me:
More chances of being happy, seeing places, meeting new people, experiencing life the fullest
Which will bring me:
A happier and more satisfied life
Which will bring me:
True happiness for myself and the people that care about me
Which will bring me:
Better relationships and more time to put my energy into something worthy.
I liked my answers though they’re also confrontations.
I've only discovered this blog within the past month and I've already found myself looking forward to it as a staple of my week. I went big with this exercise, because go big or go home:
1. A wife and companion.
2. A confidant, consultative partner, collaborator in life.
3. The ability to transcend some of my own personal limitations and also to contribute directly toward the well-being of both another person and a committed relationship (if one views a relationship as its own organic entity, as both distinct from and greater than the sum of the individuals participating in it).
4. The ability to be more focused, deliberate, and effective in my actions and endeavors in all arenas of life.
5. The ability to more directly serve something greater than myself, whether it be a relationship, a family, a community, or the larger humanity.
6. Because why? Ultimately and somewhat paradoxically, I think the most effective route to fulfillment and self-realization is through participation in something that transcends the individual in scope and importance.
“The more we search for ourselves, the less likely we are to find ourselves; and the more we search for God*, and to serve our fellow-men, the more profoundly will we become acquainted with ourselves, and the more inwardly assured. This is one of the great spiritual laws of life.”
- Shoghi Effendi
*Whether a theist, atheist, or agnostic, I think this sentiment runs true if we seek to identify the broadest and most universal point of orientation for the individual; whatever that thing is—serve *that.*